Here comes 2009

It's been a strange time being off line. Oh. Didn't you notice? No. I'm not hurt at all. I'm just going to sulk in this virtual corner here. And I'm taking the Trifle with me so there.

OK. OK. You can have the jelly and sponge bits. But I'm keeping the custard and cream.

So how come I was off-line? A complete brainstorm. I'd blanked out the run up to last Christmas. We'd ripped out the bathroom and the plumbers had to work flat out so we'd have a working toilet by 4pm Christmas Eve. Did I learn from this. Nope. So this year we were shuffling bedrooms about. Lugging beds and emptying wardrobes. All so a drum-kit would fit in. Bedlam.

The decorations only went up late Christmas Eve and everything that wasn't nailed down got buried. Including our laptops. It is still nuts (Brazils of course) and the corridors are filled with stuff for charity shops, recycling and the tip. The cake is still waiting for me to put marzipan on it and some cards just never got sent out.

So a very belated Merry Christmas to everyone.

And a Happy New Year. May it be a quiet one so you can recover from your hangovers. With a drumkit and two stylaphones (from Father Xmas) in use I don't think mine will be.

I turn my back for a minute and...

I go off line for a while thinking -bit quiet, good time to make tea. Come back and find you've all been busy posting and now I've got a mad catch up to do. By the way Jason, notice no "" or even '' used in that first sentence. If you're checking for miscreants.

So what have you all been up to? Seems some kind of drunken gathering from Jason's post. How come those that put their photos on their blogs look completely different in their candid shots? Anyway I note Sheikspear stayed sober enough to tell us what actually happened at the writersroom do. Thanks chuck.

Rob has done his write-up on Survivors and it felt like Deja-vu with similar comments flying round our car as we navigated rabid sheep.

I didn't get chosen for Son of a Pitch and now I find I won't experience the Screenwriters Festival on a balmy July day at a posh house. Instead it is moving to a posh school in October. Back to 4 days too and the discount tickets are now up for grabs. It's planning a bunch of stuff just on DR WHO!!!! Did any of you catch that. Weeee!

And those of us North of the country have the Alfred Bradley Bursary to try for. There are workshops too. Note the Keswick one has been showing the wrong time on the link above. It is actually 6pm to 7.30pm.

Anyway I'll wind up for now cos I've all your posts to read. Oh and maybe a bit of writing will get done too.

Baby's in Black and I'm feeling Blue

Any colour except Red it seems. Yep I got that dreaded letter too.

I'm still going to finish off the episode and send it out for feedback. I want to make it as good as possible. It does make you feel a bit down but these things happen.

Anyway congratulations to all who got through, too many to mention here except I will mention Caroline cos I saw her's and it was brilliant. You all worked really hard and deserve it. I don't want any scribofights mind. No disgracing us by wrestling each other to be first interviewed. We're watching you.

As to those who didn't make it. I offer a virtual shoulder to cry on.

Yay to fellow losers Lucy, Robin, Elinor (please prove me wrong on this one), Chip, Stuart, me and anyone I've not spotted yet. I suggest we all have a virtual chocolate fest to recover before knock our stuff into shape and beating them all next year.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Just realised that looks a very self-centred title.

Anyway I got tagged for some memes and I'm very overdue in replying. So...

Book Meme: Thanks to Chip. What would you advise people to read?
Name your favourite:
(a) Fiction book
(b) Autobiography
(c) Non-fiction book
(d) A fourth book of your choice from any genre:
Explain why the books are essential reads in no more than 30 words per book.

(a) Mort by Terry Pratchett. First of the discworld series I read and still my favourite. Read how Death steals the show.
(b) The Dynamite Kid by Brian Blessed. The title and author say it all.
(c) Rubicon - The Triumph and Tragedy of the Roman Republic by Tom Holland and Andrew Sachs .I've been hooked on Ancient history since I was a kid. If you find Tacitus and Pliny a slog then give this a go.
(d) The Dark is Rising Series by Susan Cooper. Read it as a child and the imagery is still so clear in my head. Ignore the film. Read the books!

Writing Meme: And even further back I got tagged by Sheikspear. In honour of his 101st blog post he wanted my pet writing hates for room 101:
1. Competitions that tell you what they are looking for then pick someone who gave them the opposite.
2. People who assume if they haven't read your stuff then you aren't a writer.
3. People thinking you are bored and need a distraction because you are reading or writing.
4. Soduku, minesweeper, spider solitaire, etc for sitting on the laptop and tempting me away from writing.
5. Your brilliant idea that no-one has thought of and you work on for months then discover two films and a TV series coming out with the very same story.

Film Meme: Finally I poached this one from poacher Chip (or should that be frier Chip?)
I visit your house/apartment, and you spot me looking at your DVD/VHS shelf.

1. What's on there that you instantly force me to borrow, because it's a great movie and you figure I haven't seen it?
Diner de Cons because it's subtitled and people seem to be scared of that. Wonderful characters and farce at its best.
2. What you do also lend me, because even though it's not considered a classic, it's a personal favorite?
Deep Rising. Gets panned a lot but I love it. Horror and humour that mixes gore with suspense instead of delivering it neat. Can't listen to The Girl From Ipanema in a lift ever again.
3. What movie is on there that you have no rational explanation for owning, and which you try to slide under the couch while I'm distracted?
Cabin Fever.It was going cheap in Woolies. I like horror. Someone told me it was good. Watched it then went out and shot the messenger.

Anyone fancy picking up on these and running with them?

Current Projects

I find it interesting reading about all the projects people are working on so I thought I'd do one. If you aren't interested then please feel free to skip to the end. There's a pretty picture.

The list is in rough order of priority but I like to be adaptable. The first three are pretty well fixed but the others may float about or pop up at a quiet moment ahead of schedule. As to deadlines. Well the first one is out of my control but the others I set a goalpost and work towards it but if it needs longer then I don't really fret about it. The joys of writing spec work.

So here's my little list.

1) The Gate (Horror) - TV Series for Red Planet Competition. I've missed decent, non-gloss horror on the telly so I thought I'd write one. Seems lots of others thought the same so a load of us have had a go. Well at least it shows there's a demand and the more the merrier. Anyway getting first episode completed before the deadline. On page 40 so the 1st draft end is in sight. Had been blocked on a bit I wasn't happy with. It felt like talking heads even though they were driving in a car. Found a way to make it more dynamic while also giving more information about the characters relationship so happy now. Until others read it and go WHAT? of course. Then I'll be a blubbery wreck and resort to the chocolate I've hidden away for Christmas.

2) Don't be Koi (Romcom) - Radio. I'm on 1st draft but it is going well. The characters are bouncing off each other nicely and it's got a wierd streak so I'm comfortable with it. I want to get the 1st draft finished this month.

3) Witch's Stone (Teen Horror) - Novel. An allegory for addiction in its many forms. I thought I had the full story blocked out but when I want back to it after a couple of years break I realised I only had half the story. I'm going to write what I've got then free-wheel the rest to get that dreaded 1st draft done. This is my big winter project.

4) Blood, Sweat and Tears (Black Comedy) - Feature Film. This is muck and drizzle rural life rather than chocolate box stuff. A nice bit of grizzly murder to boot. I'm done a page 1 re-write on this one after noting everyone banged their heads against the wall while reading it. My first attempt at a feature film and I just tried to put everything in it. It is very different from the original version now but still has the theme and tone I wanted. All the scenes blocked out so its head down to get this draft finished.

5) Life to the Full (Drama) - TV Special. It's about an old woman and young boy that have become dispossessed from society. Not as gloomy as it sounds. Again the story is all blocked out but I need to get the thing written.

6) Rain on My Parade (Comedy Drama) - Feature Film. Sex and drugs and rock and roll for the over 40s, 50s and 60s. A pet project that I've not got quite right yet. It involves three interlinked threads about some non-conformist women so I know it is harder to write. Keeping the balance but letting people keep track of them all. I have two of the threads in a form I am happy with but one still seems too obvious. Can't have that.

7) Solitary Sky (Science Fiction) - Radio. I wanted to have a go at an SF play. First draft half way throught but still needsa lot of work.

8) Under the Thumb (Horror/Drama) - Stage Play. Set in the near future in a totalitarian state where things get very nasty. The staging of this is integral to the play so I'm still experimenting a lot.

And I've got some more Thoughts for the Day to do of course and there's a lot at the knocking around your head and scraps of paper stage.

Some of you are now thinking (hope it isn't giving you a headache) that might be why I've been erratic posting recently. Yep. 'Fraid so. I found I'd got into a spell of posting to avoid getting down to other writing. Trying to be more disciplined so hopefully a bit less of flood and famine. Unless I get bored of course then I might sneak out a few more.

Oh and I met someone the other day who didn't know who the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse were. What's going on with education these days? Clearly not read enough horror. I can recommend the Book of Revelations for bedtime reading.

And continuing the horror theme, here's a pretty picture. Enjoy.

Horrific Halloween

Well Happy just doesn't seem to ring right for a night of chills. We're stocked up on sugar, skeleton swinging in the wind outside the window and mini-rolls with blood filling lined up for later.

I'm now sitting here. Listening to a cat being strangled while it tap dances on an old church organ. Seems this is Tesco's idea of scary noises. Still I can't find the remote control for my scare machine I brought back from the States so it will have to do.

Not quite the same as I've seen State side this time of year. Best one was a friend's house with cobwebs all over and a 6ft tarantula clinging to the wall! Looked for one over here but no such luck so I'll have to get him to post one over. Wonder what customs will make of it.

Anyway. All ready and on Trick or Treat alert.

Have a bone chilling evening everyone.

Thought for the Day

Some of you may have noticed a couple of posts ago that I was invited to get in touch with BBC Radio Cumbria by Steve Greaves. Well I did and thought I'd let you know what happened. This is a bit of a long post but I thought I'd write it for those new to this like me.

Steve wondered if I would like to contribute to Thought for the Day. This is just a couple of minutes long and slips into the early commute slot. He suggested I thought about it like writing a letter to a newspaper. I said Okaly Dokaly. All right I didn't really do a Flanders impersonation or Dave would panic and divorce me.

Anyway he then asked how long would it take to produce five of them? Gulp.

Right five pieces, about a page each, plus think time. I reckoned a week. He then booked me in for recording a week later and they would start going out this week. Aaaaah. Deadlines. Not having done it before Steve suggested I sent him each one when completed so he could check if I was on track.

So all I had to think about was what to write about. This is an early time slot, about 07.40, so people would be crawling out of bed, munching soggy cornflakes or trapped in the car. Basically depressed about the oncoming day. Last thing they would want to hear would be someone boring or droning on about the world's woes. At least I wouldn't and I was writing it. So there.

Over two days I came up with a list of about ten topics. I found four of these pretty well wrote themselves while staying funny. In fact I could have kept going for quite some time on any of them but managed to pare them down to about a page. That was hard. No rambling and just one aspect of the topic. For someone who can chat two to the dozen I have to admit I struggled a bit.

Anyway Steve said they were great so I just had to produce one more. Six topics on my list so no problem. Only I'd start writing and they'd become heavy or preachy. Yuck. I couldn't be running out of steam all ready? At last I approached one from a different angle and it fell into place, flying out on that electric highway just before the deadline. Again it got the OK.

That left the recording. I'd never done that before and wasn't sure what would happen. Steve would be at the main station while I was at a satellite one and he said he'd talk me through it remotely but what if I hit a wrong button? Did I press buttons? What about those sliding things. I might spill a drink and ruin a deck. Basically could I be trusted in a recording studio on my own? I can break computers just by looking at them. (I'm currently working blindfold).

Then bad news. I got the dreaded lurgy. Neck like it had two chipmunks hidden in it. Throat like I'd been chewing Guatemalan peppers (Yep another Simpson's reference. Go look it up). Temperature going for 2000deg C. I couldn't even speak!

Lots of magic potions later and I could utter the odd croak again. So Dave ferried me to the studio. They did offer to reschedule several times when they realised the state I was in but I'd got there. I wanted to do it before my nerve broke.

So there I sat in the studio, fluids at hand but safely away from all electrics. Eyes glued to a meter. When it jumped that would mean Steve was on the other end and we'd be off. So I waited and waited. Turned out the newsreader had grabbed the studio at the other end and we had to wait. Hearing the broadcast going out, knowing I would be talking at the end, was nerve wracking. OK I wasn't going to go out live but I mean. My voice. Going on tape. (OK clever clogs it's a generation thing. I KNOW it isn't tape anymore)

Finally a flip of the meter and Steve was on. I crammed the headphones on my head and must have deafened him when I shouted "Steve? Is that you?" Well he was a long way away so I had to make sure he heard me. Things then got really surreal with him speaking, someone else speaking, me speaking and all echoing about like a good old 60s Dr Who effect.

A nice lady dived into the studio my end and pushed some sliders until it all sorted out. I hadn't touched anything. Honest. Steve did mention he had some Dr Who effects but they weren't handy so we did the rest unaugmented.

I then read out each piece while Steve recorded it. It was a bit tricky getting used to hearing myself in the headphones a split second after I spoke but I eventually got used to it. All I had to do was chat away and just repeat a line if I wasn't happy about it. I forgot that. Editing. There I was worrying my voice would give out before I got to the end when Steve could do magic computer stuff to glue the best bits together. Yeah.

Anyway I finished them all with regular encouragement from Steve. Thanks for that. The pieces will now go out over the next few weeks. Steve also asked me to be a regular contributor. Of course I said yes. It was great fun. And good writing practice too. Not only to get stuff written but keeping it concise. Good for those dreaded synopses.

So the first one went out on Monday. Continuing the Dr Who theme my cold made me sound like a Dalek but it wasn't too bad. Anyway why not find out if your local station does the same. They probably say on their websites. Give it a go. Good fun and good practice.